Confusing love and chewy bites with Justin

I’ve been seeing this guy Justin since just after Christmas. He was another OkCupid acquisition and boy was I excited to meet him. He was only the second person I had actually booked a date with from the site so I was still apprehensive about the entire thing. That was until we had an amazing first date.

His profile portrayed a man that was worldly, clever, well read and handsome. The man that showed up for drinks that night was very…different, but in the most amazing way. It was my first glimpse into the differing world of profile expectations vs. reality. I was expecting some good looking guy that was maybe a little cocky. One of those guys that shops exclusively at REI, does the occasional yoga class and bikes everywhere. A sports guy. A guy with a dog named Rex or Baxter. A nice guy, but still someone that I knew would be fun for a while but ultimately wouldn’t work out long term, which was great since his profile said he was only looking for “new friends”.

I caught him right before he walked into the bar. He was dressed in head to toe black clothing, and he seemed a little nervous. We got through an awkward greeting then went inside to get out of the cold and quickly took a seat. I chose my favorite bar for the meeting, which in retrospect I will never do again, but for Justin it worked out. Not only is it a decent German bar with good beer, but it’s close to my house. I’ve spent many drunk evenings there and I don’t want to lose it because I took some dud of a date there once.

At first I wasn’t convinced that I wanted to stay very long. After all, he was stuttering a little and seemed confused. But beer has a way of fixing all of the things.

After his first pint he opened right up. Our email communications prior to our meeting were great; once we were both feeling a little less nervous we were able to pick up where we left off. I asked him about the screenplay he was writing, and told him about the centaur story I was writing. We drew bad pictures together on pieces of scrap paper and napkins. He was so much more unique than I was expecting that I found myself being drawn into him. His ideas and stories kept me entertained and it was like the rest of the bar disappeared. Before I knew it, we were hitting every bar on the strip.

When the bars closed we decided to find food. As I’m sure you can imagine, food options are limited at 3 am when you don’t want to drive. So against my better judgement, we went to a 24 hour grocery store, picked up taco fixin’s and headed back to my house.

This was a bad idea for a couple of reasons. Number one and I’m sure you are yelling at me through you computer screen is that you don’t take guys back to your house! Just don’t do it! Anyone could be a crazy psycho stalker. Sometimes sex happens on the first date, we are all human, but taking someone home is dumb. Number two is that I have a crazy person as a roommate.

Remember the movie Single White Female? I live with that girl. She hasn’t dyed her hair to look like mine yet, but she is very possessive. She doesn’t want me to have friends other than her, and when I am dating she gets incredibly jealous about the attention I get.

As soon as we walked in the door she was up and yelling at us for being loud. Bless Justin’s heart, he just rolled with it like he gets yelled at by tiny braless godzillas in the middle of the night all the time. And maybe he does, who knows?

We quickly made our tacos and took them to my attic room. It’s basically a small studio space. I have a futon, a tv, some plants, and some poorly executed paintings. It’s crappy, but it works for me. Perhaps the guy I was expecting Justin to be initially wouldn’t have been impressed, but the Justin I got said he loved it.

We ate our tacos and talked until 6 am, he never once in that time made a move on me besides holding my hand for a minute. So I invited him to spend the night. It was so simple. I just had such a good feeling about him that I had no hesitation at all. He was so easy to talk to and we had so much in common that I didn’t even think twice about it. I rely heavily on those gut feelings. My gut told me that he was going to be a piece of my life. I still wasn’t sure yet where his piece would fit, but I knew he was going to be important to me.

I would say we slept, but we did not. He slept. I laid awake all night trying to not fart. I usually do this with new people. Did I mention we didn’t have sex? Well, we didn’t. Not that night at least. When he woke up the next morning we talked and giggled for a few hours, and then he made his move. Oh god, did he make it. What followed was the most amazing three hours of my life.

It was the kind of sex that leaves you speechless and unable to function. It was warm, loving, kinky, erotic, sweet and incredibly satisfying. I don’t care how comfortable you are with your body, there is always a twinge of doubt. Does my ass look fat? Are my stretch marks visible? Do my armpits smell okay? It was disturbing how not one of these thoughts entered my mind as he slowly peeled every bit of my clothing off and went down on me.

He smelled like nicotine and the woods, I couldn’t stop inhaling him. He was like the best drug on the planet. When it was over, we laid in each others arms covered in sweat. After, he reached into his jacket for a piece of what normal people would refer to as “gum”; what he offered me however, he referred to as a “chewy bite”.

God help me, this guy is exactly the type of hardcore weirdo I’m looking for in my life. The sex is ridiculous and he’s adorable, but of course doesn’t want a relationship.

Against my better judgement, I fell deeply in love that day.


Posted on February 5, 2014, in Dates and stuff, I've got the feels... and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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