The Tale of Mr. Boring and the Boobie Grabbing Thespian
This past week I went on two dates with two very nice but also slightly boring guys.
After Justin had the “I’m not looking for a relationship” discussion with me a few weeks ago, I’ve been trying to really ramp up my dating game. I’ve still been seeing him and still pine over him of course, but now that I know where he officially stands, I feel like I really need to spend time with other men. If not to try and make him feel less important to me, then to at least get laid.
On Thursday I went out with the engineer. Jim had all of the qualities I should be interested in. He’s kind, well off, and not only owns a home but also a car! Back in the day, home ownership and a car meant you had graduated from kid to adult. In today’s economy however, adults are lucky to just have a roof over their head. All of the guys I’ve met have had apartments and bus passes. It puts me in this weird position of having to try and think of date locations near them. Jim was different, he was willing to drive all over town to see me.
He asked me to choose the place, so I decided to keep close to my neighborhood, which was great since we were having a snowstorm. That’s right! This guy also drove out in a snowstorm to meet me! I really wish he hadn’t been so boring and that our date had been better. He was polite and we laughed over drinks, but that was it. I couldn’t even tell you what we talked about. When we left the bar, he hugged me and we went our separate ways. I knew I would never hear from him again and I was okay with that. I would much rather have a vanilla date than an afraid for your life type of date.
Date #2 on the other hand, was a bit more racy, but not by much. This guy seemed nice on the exterior but by the end of the night I was being felt up in a parking lot.
He was a part time local theater actor so he had an air of confidence and was able to hold a very captivating conversation. I wasn’t initially attracted to him, but since our day jobs are both in similar fields, we had hours of war stories to share and after three hours, we started getting seriously flirtatious.
He would compliment my smile, I would laugh and play with my hair.
He would tell a bad joke, I would laugh and put my hand on his arm…it’s all standard stuff really.
I had to work in the morning and could see that beer had clouded my judgement so I decided to call an end to the date. He walked me to my car, thanked me for a fun evening, then went in for the kiss. It was certainly more than the standard first date kiss, but hey, beer! I can’t lie and say that I wasn’t into it because I was. I leaned in, grabbed the back of his neck and kissed him a little deeper when he decided to take things to the third grade pervert level and grab my boob. Right there in the parking lot in front of customers, servers, and people waiting for the 72 bus. He didn’t just give a light honk either, he went full blown boobie mash.
Had I been turned on by a random parking lot groping surely the force with which he grabbed my boob would have killed my lady boner. I like my nipples located where they are thank you very much!
I pushed him off of me and told him I had to go. He did an abrupt turn, waved in the air without facing me and yelled “I’ll call you later” as he ran off to catch his bus. Sure enough, a week later I got a message on OkCupid apologizing for the “lag in messaging” and then he asked what my schedule was like.
Needless to say, this might be one I don’t pursue any further.