A Bad Romance-Part One

Once upon a time a beautiful, young(ish) girl in a new city decides to go on a pub crawl to check out her neighborhood and drink beer with strangers. She is one of the first to arrive because she’s punctual and believes in being places on time. She enters the first bar and instantly hits it off with the three other people there. They talk for the next 45 minutes about their lives and the forces that had brought them to Portland. When it’s time to hit the next bar, the girl, turns towards the exit and almost plows down a jolly round faced guy holding a fresh beer.

“Are you guys part of the pub crawl?” he asked expectantly.

“Yeah, but we’re headed to our next destination right now so you’d better chug that mother fucker quick” she says to him as she high-fives him and walks out the door.

Over the course of the next few hours, she sticks to her original crew, the early arrivers, and has a blast. Every now and again she would see that chubby little face in the corner of the room scoping her out, and she was ok with it. Delighted even. He wasn’t bad looking and he seemed to be really interested in her crass language and the fact that she was getting hammered and making obnoxious jokes with strangers.

One by one her crew started to leave. “It’s Thursday, I gotta work in the morning” they would say as they made their exits. By midnight she was left with a guy of questionable Scottish heritage, a really short guy with a Napoleon complex, and the round faced guy.

“My name’s Ray, can I get you a beer?”

Instantly the girl was in love. She drank the beer and they ended up talking for the remainder of the night. Turns out they both loved live music, food, and beer. Clearly they had a special bond that no other Portlander could touch. They made plans to see each other the next week and then went their separate ways.

She went back to her hostel and though about him non stop for the next seven days. She though about his intense stare, his adorable smile, and the fact that he almost lost her in a crowd because he got so excited to see a live band.

The following Thursday, it was time for the date. She was unbelievably nervous since she hadn’t been on an actual date in almost six years, and on top of it all, Ray seemed like a grown up. The kind of guy that wore nice watches and drank Scotch. She walked out of her door and spotted him almost immediately. Sure enough, his watch was shiny, his hair was slicked back, he must be an adult.

“Play it cool” she said to the twelve year old girl living inside her brain.

Ray greeted her with a hug and held her hand as they wandered around the last Thursday street fair. It was a Portland institution, “not to be missed, especially if you’re new to town” he told her before leading her into a whiskey bar to have a cocktail and a bite to eat.

Her nerves were somewhat lessened after two Manhattans and she started to actually open up and get giggly around this new man. Her ex-boyfriend Drew, the one that made her crazy enough to drive 4,000 miles away, hated it when she drank. He was “straight edge” and never let loose with her. While alcohol isn’t a necessity in life, sometimes its fun to let your guard down and be silly. Ray understood that, Drew did not.

She kept staring at his lips and thinking about what it would be like to kiss them. She stared at his hands and thought about how they would feel on her body. She stared at his belly and thought about how round and perfect it was. He must have sensed her desperation for physical contact because he asked her if she wanted to go back to his place for a glass of whiskey on his porch. She agreed instantly even though she was terrified of what might happen later.

His apartment was warm and inviting, and clean for a bachelor! No clutter, and it was shockingly devoid of the naked lady posters she assumed all bachelor pads must be covered in. He had a nice big front porch and two chairs perfectly positioned to drink and people watch. The more she had to drink, the more concerned she became that he hadn’t tried to kiss her yet.

Oh god, he never actually did use the word “date” what if he was just being nice by inviting a new person to see a street fair!

She must have rocked in her chair nervously because what happened next was absolutely mortifying. One of her chair legs, deciding that it was done holding up chairs forever, crumpled, and she fell backwards onto the ground. Her feet went flying up in the air and whiskey poured all over her shirt. Had she been sober, she probably could have grabbed on to his chair to stop from falling, but she wasn’t sober. The crash was epic and she was pretty sure she was going to die right then and there…until her picked her up and kissed her.

In her state of embarrassment, she decided that an intense make out session in front of the neighbors was exactly what needed to happen to take everybody’s minds off of her tumble.

After a few minutes when things became a little too gropey to still be considered pg-13, he asked if she wanted to take the party in side.

“You can crash on my couch if you want to, or I could crash on my couch and you could sleep on my bed” he said to her as he was pressing her up against the wall  and peeling off her clothes. Even though she was caught up in the moment, she still knew that he was full of shit. The sex was happening. It was imminent.

She was suddenly very clear and conscious. It had been six months since she last had sex. Six months of her life sexless and boring. She had only been with three other men before Drew, and being with someone new was incredibly thrilling. She stopped for a moment and looked at that sweet, round little face. His cheeks were flushed and she could tell his heart was racing.

“Just shut up and take your pants off” she said, and then pounced on him.

To be continued…


Posted on March 6, 2014, in Dates and stuff and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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