Hey guys, remember that March 7th period I was supposed to have?
Well, when I woke up on March 10th with still no sign of my disgusting monthly friend, I started to panic. While Justin and I had been pretty cautious during our sexual adventures, we do tend to drink a lot…and sometimes that can lead to trouble.
Still, I wasn’t as worried as I should have been because I had all the tell-tale period signs: cramping, bad mood, bloating, food cravings, and that “uterus full of blood” feeling. Unfortunately, as I later found out, they are also the signs of early pregnancy.
I decided to take a pregnancy test even though all of the research I did on the internet told me to wait until I was at least a week late. I figured worst case scenario would be a negative result and then I would test again a week later if I had to. But at least that negative result would put my mind at ease…even if I knew in the back of my mind it wasn’t 100% accurate.
I peed on the stick and almost immediately that second little pink line showed up. It was faint, but it was there.
I felt all of the air leave my body and I collapsed onto to side of my bathtub. My heart was beating so hard and fast that I was sure it was going to explode.
How on earth could this happen? What was I going to do?
I immediately texted Justin and told him the news. His response?
Uh oh indeed mother fucker.
The next day I made an appointment at Planned Parenthood and had my diagnosis confirmed. They even went so far as to give me a due date. It’s November 14th in case you’re wondering. This tiny little monster in my belly plans to pop out on November 14th.
November 14th is a month and a half before my birthday, and roughly a month and a half after Justin’s birthday.
My first thought was ABORT!
My second thought which immediately followed the first was YOU’RE NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER, KEEP IT!
It’s true, I’m not getting younger. My body is, in fact, getting older with each passing second. My brain however, was stuck at 14 years old. For the past decade I’ve been stuck in this loop. I keep acting the same, I keep living my life the same, but I’m not progressing as a human being at all. I long for the days of warmth and safety that I had with Drew, but I in no way work toward getting that back.
I have been trying to date with only marginal success. Sure, it’s easy to get laid, but to find someone to make an actual connection with is like pulling teeth. That’s why I was so stoked to meet Justin. I just knew right away that he would be prefect for me. Just weird enough to keep me on my toes, but not so weird that he pushes me away. One of the many, many things I adore about Justin is that developmentally he is exactly like me; He’s a 14 year old boy inside his head. The big problem that I don’t think I’ve mentioned is that he is a traveler. Not just a two week vacation kind of guy, but a ten month vacation kind of guy. He’s lucky enough to have a job that affords him the luxury of huge chunks of time off, and he takes full advantage. As much as I loved him, he was not going to be the warm, grown up, comforting person that I needed him to be.
I knew from our first meeting back in December that he was leaving in the end of May. I knew it but I did it anyways. I also knew during that first meeting that I was going to fall hard for him. Harder than I should for someone with an expiration date on his head, but still I kept seeing him.
I tried to rationalize it in my mind by telling myself that he could occupy my brain until the end of May, but then June 1st he would be out of my life forever. I would continue dating and hopefully meet someone else who could erase him from my mind.
Then that second pink line showed up and I knew that forgetting him would be impossible.
Why can’t any part of life be simple?