Is This Love…That I’m Feeling?
Seriously… is it? I have known Justin for about four months now, and I was pregnant with his child for two of those months. What the fuck?! How am I supposed to know if the fluttery feeling I have in my heart every time he sends me a text message at 8am demanding “taco bell crunches” is actually me falling in love with him or if it’s my brain still cloudy with hormones? Everyone feels the effects of Oxytocin, some even refer to it as “The Bonding Hormone”. We feel it during orgasms and it helps us feel closer to our mate. During the first trimester of pregnancy our bodies produce it in over drive to help us start to feel the bond with the little freeloaders growing inside of our tummies.
If I have had these hormones in my body for half of the time we’ve known each other, could they be whats telling my heart to love him? Could it be that I’m just confused?
If it’s real and I am actually in love with this fool, I am going to be so crushed when he leaves to go to South America for a MOTHER FUCKING YEAR! I want to tell him to go and have an amazing wonderful time and that I’ll be here when he gets back so we can pick up where we left off.
On the other hand, maybe once he’s gone and my body returns to normal, I will realize he’s a total weirdo and I’ll be glad he’s gone.
Here’s a prime example of Justin: We had barbeque foods last week. During the home abortion to be exact. He went to town on some ribs while I inhaled some pulled pork and tried not to cry. At some point during his food fest, he dunked his face in some sauce. I noticed it, chuckled to myself, then decided to tell him. He just said “ok”. He didn’t wipe it off or even care that it was there. Eventually we fell asleep. The next morning I took the rest of the pills and spent my day in a pain haze. Sure enough, later that evening when the pain had subsided, I realized it was still there. He had that smudge of barbeque sauce on his face for a full twenty four hours. I was over the moon in love with him when I saw it.
Usually when it comes to men, I just know right away how I’m feeling. I’m either not interested or I am crazy about someone. There is no in between, and usually there is never any confusion as to what exactly I’m feeling. The fact that this guy is living in some kind of grey limbo area inside of my brain scares me.
Hormones. Am I right?!
What are your thoughts?