Working on my night cheese
Last night I had a dream that my best friend in the entire world was Shoshanna from “Girls”. This could never happen in reality because I would probably strangle her if I had to spend any extended amount of time with her, but that’s besides the point, in the dream she was my best friend and we were discussing relationships.
For some reason I had to break the news to her that her current fling was out having sex with everyone else in town. She was understandably hurt, but then she turned to me and said “I should stop having with sex with the guys I’m dating so early on in the relationship. Maybe I should make them wait for it and build a relationship that isn’t based on sex and maybe guys would start thinking of me as girlfriend material.”
I was shocked that such a mature thought could come out of someone like Shoshanna, but in my dream I agreed with her and then said something which shocked my awake self. “That’s a good idea, I’m going to do the same thing. Justin is going to be around until the end of May, I can have all the sex I want with him while I build a real relationship with someone else!”
I woke up and couldn’t believe the shit my unconscious mind was telling me to do. While the idea behind it was right, the execution was all wrong.
I used to think that the whole “wait to have sex” concept was pretty archaic. Sex is fun and awesome! Why deny yourself something that feels so right? What I am now struggling with is that relationships don’t last for me and I am starting to fear being alone forever. Blogs like this one don’t help.
Maybe I should give the old OkCupid horse another ride. I did after all meet some really nice guys. If I stopped having sex with them so early on in the relationship maybe we could see if it actually turns into something real and meaningful instead of the old “we’re just really good friends that have sex” type of situation that I’ve been stuck in for so long.
I miss having a partner in crime. Today is my Sunday. It’s now almost 3:30 and I still haven’t put on pants or gotten out of bed. I know lots of single people who manage to accomplish stuff like this on their days off, but I’m just not one of them. I want someone to come home to and perhaps I have to try a little harder to make it happen.
It shouldn’t be that hard. And besides, I still have Justin for the next month of I need a good old fashioned roll in the hay!