Gimme that Z….O.L.O.F.T
It’s almost been an entire month since I’ve posted. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not. Some of the darkness has subsided and I’m starting to feel a smidge better with “mother’s little helper” (more on that later) so I guess things are looking good!
I decided to lose some of the “Comfy Justin Flubber” I seem to have gained since January. It’s that gooey midsection area that only comes from eating sandwiches, drinking beer, and having the sex in bed with the person you love. We’ve all been there and I regret nothing. Now that he’s gone though, I gotta try and get in shape. Not just to get my sexy bod back, but also for hiking/health purposes.
I’m ashamed to admit this but I get winded really easily.
I’m a fatty McButterpants.
I realized that my “big girl” pants had become my “every day” pants and that’s when I decided to cut back on my daily cheeseburger habit!
The day of my last blog post I weighed 185 lbs. It was the largest I had been in a very, very long time. Today I stepped on the scale to a much nicer 173. Twelve pounds in a month? I’ll take it! All I had to do was start walking to work and stop eating the pastries. Oh…and I had to eliminate a very bad influence in my life…my best friend…
I miss that sassy son of a bitch! The road hasn’t been easy and I do have days where I pig out but I’m proud of myself damn it!
I also started drinking this absolutely wretched vegan protein/whole meal vitamin crap. It’s not pretty, but it gives me energy, fills my belly, and keeps the calories down. When I can actually stomach it, it really makes a difference. The past few days, however, I haven’t really been able to eat much at all with all of the constant nausea and heartburn.
I had decided a very long time ago that I was actually going to put my insurance to good use and get a physical. I don’t think I’ve had one since high school so I figured it would be interesting to know if there was anything that was silently killing me.
The first appointment I cancelled because I found out I was pregnant and just couldn’t deal with it.
The second appointment I cancelled because I had made camping plans with Justin.
This appointment I decided to keep.
The doctor I chose was super nice, and when she asked me why I came in, I just broke down and told her how sad I was. What did I have to lose? I really didn’t have any other complaints and I could tell she was expecting something more. After crying like a fool for a few minutes she ended up scheduling me for a meeting with a therapist, and then she put me on Zoloft.
As of right now, three days in, it’s not fun.
I read some of the side effects online and decided that they probably weren’t going to be as bad as the depression was so I choked it down. For someone so opposed to chemical intervention, I sure caved easily when she handed me that little piece of paper.
Maybe it was just my time.
Who knew such a tiny pill could make you feel so awful? I constantly want to puke, I can’t sleep, my muscles are all twitchy, and my brain is foggy, but apparently that is all to be expected.
I just need to stick it out for six weeks to see if it will actually make a difference. Seems like way to long, but again, what have I got to lose?
Have you ever taken an anti depressant? How long did it take to start working?