My Favorite Game

Yesterday I had my first “Mental Health” appointment. It sounds ominous, but I assure you, the entire ordeal was pretty tame.

Basically, I told my doctor a couple of weeks ago that I was suffering some severe guilt over my decision to have an abortion. I had however, neglected to tell her that I have been dealing with crippling depression my entire life.

This is something a primary care physician might not pick up on, but a mental health counselor most certainly will.

I could tell right away this lady knew I was full of shit.

She kept asking if I had ever thought of hurting myself and I kept saying “no”, but I also couldn’t look into her eyes as I said it. I noticed her scribbling intensely each time I answered.

She was on to me.

What the hell am I supposed to say?! If I answer “yes” then I run the risk of being committed for my own safety.

It’s a lose, lose situation. No wonder people don’t admit to needing help. I personally would rather just deal with my mental issues in the privacy of my own home without giant nurses strapping me into a bed.

Although giant syringes full of sleepy time meds might be a really nice perk!

I don’t know what will come of this appointment. I did not schedule a follow up with her, but she did push for me to see her colleague that specializes in obgyn issues.

She seemed to think that I could benefit from someone that perhaps knew about the entire abortion process and the hormones that go along with that instead of someone like her that only dealt with family/overall mental health issues.

I guess if she didn’t try to commit me to an asylum right then that she probably doesn’t think I’m too much of a risk.

I don’t know if I’ll actually do it, I feel like talking helped me in no way whatsoever.

I know I’m still messed up about things.

I know I should be more active and try to stay positive.

I know it’s OK to feel the way I feel.

So there, therapy complete!

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Posted on July 22, 2014, in Word Diarreah... and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Have you ever thought of connecting with a post abortion ministry or counselor? It can help to speak to others who have been there and went through healing.
    http://www.postabortionhelp.org

    • Thanks Theresa. I do have a therapist to talk to. I chose to go the private provider route because the only support groups in my area were faith based. Since I do not believe in god, I didn’t feel appropriate participating in their discussions.

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