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Depression can be a dirty, dirty bitch

Ok, here’s my thoughts:

Depression is the absolute worst.

There is a really wonderful description I read once that likened it to being stuck in a river where the water is rushing around you rapidly. There are people on the shore urging you to just get out of the water, but they’re so far away and your arms are so tired.

Once in a while you find a rock to lean against for support and to catch your breath…but eventually that rushing river will sweep you away again, its only a matter of time.

That is depression.

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My Favorite Game

Yesterday I had my first “Mental Health” appointment. It sounds ominous, but I assure you, the entire ordeal was pretty tame.

Basically, I told my doctor a couple of weeks ago that I was suffering some severe guilt over my decision to have an abortion. I had however, neglected to tell her that I have been dealing with crippling depression my entire life.

This is something a primary care physician might not pick up on, but a mental health counselor most certainly will.

I could tell right away this lady knew I was full of shit. Read the rest of this entry

“If it weren’t for bad luck, I’de have no luck at all…”

I was laying in bed just now wondering why I wanted to go outside so badly yet couldn’t move at all.

Just yesterday I went on an awesome hike and enjoyed the summer heat.

Today, I am an immobile lump of soft flesh.

Why, oh why could that be?

Oh yeah, today is the day my doctor wanted me to increase my dose!

Hey, maybe this works for some people, but I’m not doing so well. Still, I’ve personally committed to 6 weeks, if I still can’t leave my house after that then I’m done!

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I want you…

How is it possible that after 33 years of interacting with other human beings I can’t connect with any of them and I’m always the one left alone and crying on my bed?

In the immortal words of Haddaway¬† “What is love? Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more”

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They say confession is good for the soul…

First on the agenda today is a sincere apology to those of you that clicked the little follow icon on my blog thinking that it was going to be a fun read about the life of a single gal in Portland sexing her way through the city. In the six months that have elapsed since I started on this adventure I have met an awesome but unattainable guy, fallen head over heels, gotten knocked up, and then made the heartbreaking decision not to have the baby.

  Life has certainly taken me down some dark passageways as of late. Read the rest of this entry

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