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A Bad Romance-Part One

Once upon a time a beautiful, young(ish) girl in a new city decides to go on a pub crawl to check out her neighborhood and drink beer with strangers. She is one of the first to arrive because she’s punctual and believes in being places on time. She enters the first bar and instantly hits it off with the three other people there. They talk for the next 45 minutes about their lives and the forces that had brought them to Portland. When it’s time to hit the next bar, the girl, turns towards the exit and almost plows down a jolly round faced guy holding a fresh beer.

“Are you guys part of the pub crawl?” he asked expectantly.

“Yeah, but we’re headed to our next destination right now so you’d better chug that mother fucker quick” she says to him as she high-fives him and walks out the door. Read the rest of this entry


Why am I not getting dick pics?

I joined OkCupid two months ago and I have yet to receive any pictures of genitalia. Not that I’m upset about it for real, but is there something wrong with me? Is there some reason someone wouldn’t want to send me a dick pic? I’m a decent looking girl. I guess I have a face that easily makes me look ten years younger than I actually am, but isn’t that a turn on for perverts?

I am a woman and I was promised dick pics God Damn It! Read the rest of this entry

The Tale of Mr. Boring and the Boobie Grabbing Thespian

This past week I went on two dates with two very nice but also slightly boring guys.

After Justin had the “I’m not looking for a relationship” discussion with me a few weeks ago, I’ve been trying to really ramp up my dating game. I’ve still been seeing him and still pine over him of course, but now that I know where he officially stands, I feel like I really need to spend time with other men. If not to try and make him feel less important to me, then to at least get laid. Read the rest of this entry

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